Let me Get 'Em!

I'm starting to realize that an important ideal to have in life is coming to terms with the fact that if you can't change a situation, it's best to let that thing slide. There's no need in becoming fixated on a circumstance that you have no control over. I see so many people shaken up and beaten down from dealing with some of life's "meant to happen"torments when in actuality they didn't need to get all worked up over it in the first place, save yourself some sanity.
Life seems to flow much easier when we expect that there will be some good days and just as many (or hopefully less) bad ones. We should learn to roll with the punches in stride and acknowledge the fact that you can (at least) gain wisdom and insight from the stresses that you are/ will be put thru in your years of living. The smoothest way to go about dealing with life and all it's glory is to accept change in a positive light and understand yourself well enough to know that above all, if you cannot change a situation, you can always change your attitude and outlook pertaining to a circumstance :)

Up Against the Wind (Lori Perry?)

Yesterday I finished the book for Colored girls who Have Considered Suicide/ When the Rainbow is Enuf. It took me a whole day to read and was worth every second spent. The selection is labeled as a "choreopoem", a variation of 20 poems bound together to make one complete story. Every poem is narrated by a different color that makes up the rainbow, each deemed as a lady (e.g. lady in blue, purple, yellow, orange, red, green), there is also a lady in brown. These seven personalities make up the voices that speak of the struggles faced by women of color; from rape to three way love triangles and building self motivation.

All the emotions and ideas that have treaded themselves thru me were recognized in this book. I cried for the many times I wished death upon my own self after dealing with the harsh reality that I no longer believed in who I was. I laughed at all the times I heard "I'm sorry"; excuses men give to women for being the way they are or doing the dirt they do. I pained at the idea that I took comfort in wanting love from others when I could barely love myself. And I cursed at the drunken man who dropped his kids from the 5th story floor, because their mother chose not to marry him.

The song Up Against the Wind is beautiful, strong, worthy, and damaged. Just the same as the book and its contents, the song speaks from a woman's perspective and tells the tale of the challenge(s) she faces within society and herself. The hell that we as young colored women have endured dealing with ourselves, society, and coming of age/ wisdom has forced a strain on us as a people. The book honors our internal struggles, strains that were present when no one else could witness what happened behind closed doors. A testimony. The book and the song are each testimonies from the hearts of colored women. The song speaks for the woman in the book and the woman in the book speaks for me and many others. Our testimonies bind together to create a quilt of perseverance, self destruction, laughter, grief, sisterly love, and sorrow. This quilt of emotions is all we have to shelter our sanity as we are forced to go up against the wind.

Los Bandoleros

High school will prove to be a damning experience at some point in a young person's four year sentence behind these cinder block walls. You have to deal with issues at home let alone unnecessary yap yap from drama heads at the school. And a person like me (quiet, laid back, and not in anyone's business) thinks the crap at school is avoidable until you come upon a group of people, or even one person for that matter, that cannot help but keep your name and the names of countless others on the tips of their tongues.
It frustrates me to know that I can go about my daily business, not be in anyone's face, and still get talked about behind my back. What makes it worst is that the same people running their mouths about what I do or how I do it are the same people who smile in my face when random jokes are being made.
You must understand that I have not heard them talk bad about me with my own ears (if so I would not be here typing this post), but I had heard so from others that I do consider to be trust-worthy resources. I had also heard the drama heads talk about peers close to me and those not so close to me, they even talk about each other-what?!! Who's ever heard of a mature person talking down about those who are in their own social circle?- It's childish, foolish, and unnecessary. I guess I can understand if what a person says or does directly influences you, but there is no point of even talking garbage about others when at the end of the day their business has absolutely NOTHING to do with your status in the world! All these fools do is stir up commotion that isn't relevant to anything, all it does is offend others, and causes extreme tension and confusion that ultimately gets us nowhere. For your own sake, drama heads, GET A LIFE!!!

They Used to Feel Invisible

Today is thursday, February 14th... Valentine's Day and I'm surrounded by red roses, golden wrapped Hershey's Kisses, locked lips, and dead faces. For all the cute couples celebrating this day there are ten times more single people out there stuck in a rut over the fact that they cannot completely join in today's momentous occasion.

It's obvious that this is a day for couples, but that shouldn't have an effect on those who don't have a significant other. Yes, it's tough for singles to hold their heads high when what they cannot have is constantly being flaunted in front of them and when they try to run home and take heed from all the lovey dovey kiss kissin', theres nothing but sappy soap operas and love tales on tv (oy vey)!

What's even more detrimental to a person's future health on Valentine's day is when kids parade through their elementary school halls with bags and boxes filled with assorted candies and cards to pass out to their class and the little boy that sits in the corner of the class doesn't even get glanced at when the goodies are given out at sharing time. Now he becomes sad. There are no colorful characters on paper cards jumping from his desk and he doesn't even have the opportunity to get a cavity from eating all the sugar filled candy that the rest of the boys and girls have. Getting cards or candy from an admirer at this age means that someone actually notices you. He gets neither and therefore begins to feel invisible to the rest of his classmates.
For years, single people have been isolated on this day. Where's the "single people's valentines day"?! It's not fair to have a specific day for the love between a couple when the single are left out- being singled out once again! But then again, nobody needs a specific day to appreciate loving another or feel left out because you have no one to love. We should take the time out each day to show gratitude and romance to others.

On the bright side, when it's all said and done, Valentines Day is just another date on the calendar- it's not that serious.

Something You Forgot

And then there are those who are struggling to make ends meet- living in local tenement buildings that have gone months without a decent repair? It seems that the simple life of the poor is becoming more of a complication to the stabilty of the US economy- a complication that most are willing to sweep under the rug. The president, backed by congres, presses for the sanctification of civilization overseas- we plague war and havoc amongst middle eastern citizens in hopes of (somehow) providing them with a "decent" government, while in the heart of our own cities there are women with kids that could actually benefit from misused war money.

With millions of Americans living well below the average poverty rate, its amazing how our own government doesn't heavily take into consideration the quality of life for those in tight finacial situations. Its blasphemy that we could raise taxes and not see any of our money have a direct effect on our community, the urban (lower-working class) population.

There is a toll booth located on the highway before you get to the Chippenham exit coming from downtown Richmond, it was there for as long as I can remember. And now, right behind this toll, they are building a second toll- literally less than one mile away from the booths that are there now. They will not be closing down the old booths, because they are completely lined along the full length of that part of the interstate. What is the need for building this section of a booth? It's not taking the place of a previous one and it is not providing a quicker way to exit from the highway, so once again I ask- what is the need for building this section of the booth? In my opinion, the tax payers' money has gone to waste! With the money to build a new stainless steel toll, we could've funded a homeless shelter downtown.

There are instances the same as these that are going making impact nationwide. The lower working class pay taxes just the same as everyone else, their paychecks get cut just the same as anyone elses, yet they reap no obvious benefits from their sacrifices to government. There is some shady business going on behind the scenes for there to perfectly cemented streets in the suburbs and hundreds of uncovered manholes and unpaved potholes in the city.

The lower class strive to survive off meager wages while nothing is being done in government to positively influence their living standards. Government takes care of those with money and disregards those who don't have much to give. With all thats going on in this world, we (the urban lower working class population) are left on the front step of a congressman proclaiming, "When you divided up the economy's financial budget, we were something you forgot".

Jesus Lara (part I)

There is a type of man that every female finds herself dealing with at some point in her life- she'll probably deal with many of them. I call it Jesus Lara, a guy that plasters the scowl on women's faces and marks them tainted for life. He spits words from a hard-edged soul and has an attitude spiked with more venom than that of any poison. He has been calloused by society and now emits an aura that establishes him as head honcho, no one dare to be more dominant. Lara involves himself with many women, lies to those women, leaves them, and moves on to the next. He's flyy, always has a fresh cut, up to date sneakers, and designer clothes. Lara is popular in at least one place, whether it be school, the neighborhood, the mall, the community center, or church. He may even play a sport (oh watch out for him)!
Behind the surface of all things on point, he also drives hard in the fast lane; the dating game. A typical Jesus will try his best to get with as many girls (I call these particular girls 'stunt doubles') as possible as soon as possible. He has no regard to how the girl feels or what she thinks for the time being, he is all about his business and the rest is history! No need for long walks in the park with her, staying up all night on the phone, buying stuffed bears and candy for Valentine's Day, taking the time out to say I love you, or even caring at all about this girl; because for Lara, she is not a top priority. At the most she has been, is, or will be an option- nothing more, bring in the next stunt double!!!

The Love Experience

Our youth are brought up with a fluff idea as to what "true love" is. We've been brought up on Mickey and Minnie Mouse memoirs, Pocahontas power strides, Aladdin tales, and all around "happily ever after" stories- a genre that I categorize as The Love Experience. Not that this group is solely based on cartoon characters or Disney's representation of actual people; there seems to be a falseness behind what people (especially children) are fed today dealing with the topic of love. Certain music and movies help to cement the idea of "perfect love". These displays rooted in the mental of young people could prove to be a major let down later in life for the simple fact that a person's actual relationship history most likely will be nothing like what they've seen in the movies or heard in song. I wouldn't dare point the finger at movies and music on this case, because this subject in particular isn't one that necessarily influences the actions of youth in a negative way, but instead may provide a reality check for those in need.

Growing up we are shaded by demonstrations of what is labeled as "true love"-"the perfect relationship". With age, personal experience, and wisdom, most of us shed the dimness of our shades and come to terms with reality... the fact that true love may indeed be false or the perfect relationship might have more than a few dozen imperfections. REALITY CHECK!

And then there's school- high school in particular, and how it is also a part of "The Love Experience". I can only speak for myself and a few others on this recollection (so I will proceed to do so). In elementary and middle school there was an aura around the subject of high school- HS was among the elite, top notch places to be; where there was all types of people crowded shoulder to shoulder in the halls. There were lockers taller than the person who owned them, where you could plaster up pictures of N*Sync and Mariah Carey, there were legalized food fights in the cafeteria, smoking in the boys bathroom, and lipstick writings on the mirrors in girls' bathroom. The principal was strict and all the kids (no matter how nerdy) were cool because they were in high school-that's it. That's all they needed to say, "I'm in high school", and our elementary jaws would drop-the rest is history! All of this before we had even walked the halls of a secondary school.

Then I became a freshman and all of my past premonitions of what the wonder years would be like slowly began to fade with each day spent in that jail cell. There weren't any jocks- oh hold up, yes there are, but that doesn't matter because they come off just like the rest of us in here-there were no food fights, driving away for lunch, no early release for seniors, and more work. My grades dropped and so did all my hopes to be a part of the livest place on earth. All that I've seen on tv dealing with how wonderful HS is and how much juicy drama takes place, I know that I'm not missing much. I'm pretty sure most young adults feel don't feel the hype that they've been led to believe was plastered against the walls of each school. I've realized that no matter what high school you go to, there is a common thread between each of them. On the other side of town, the same things are going on at their local school.

The young public has been led to believe in two circumstances that wont necessary be anything like what they've been brought up to take heed in. The only way to surefire way to deal with the happenings is to develop wisdom- from The Love Experience.

The Hood Don't Love Me*

They talk about my sneakers,
the ones that have walked hundreds of miles of concrete.
Potholes as deep as the ghetto running through my veins.
The sneakers that have run from many men,
“God guard me from the ungodly”.
Sneakers laced with grime,
the only evidence of my hustle underneath the streetlights,
the sneakers that have cruised pavement,
while I was in search of midnight passion,
sneakers that have swayed with the rhythm in each car, back alley, and old mattress.

Motion sickness.

Sneakers that have taken part in the illness
of my body against theirs,
sneakers that have not left the soles of my feet,
not once with any man.
They despise the sneakers that have witnessed their greatest sexual sins.
I despise myself as a nightwalker.

* dedicated to vickie

SAILING

And it's rainy outside. The streets disappear under inches of slick acid rain- that tears through the earth stone cemented together by hard working hands of labor. I try to dismiss the dimness that todays weather is pressing against my mood by mentally removing myself from the enviornment. Instead I'll listen to music that somehow seeps its way into the crevices of a cold heart that I permanently froze overnight. And so the ice will slowly melt.
There're basketball games at shcool tonight. Report cards are dished out and jaws hit the floor. The grades that I got this second quarter were enough to make me disappointed at my UNsuccess in school- and 30 seconds later my mind is reversed back into the mindset of nonchalant-ness. I could care less about these grades on paper for what I've failed to accomplished last period... I'm more intune with what I can do to bring them up next time around. I can only think this way because it hurts to face the truth that I barely passed two of my classes.
And so I sit in school on a dreary day-careless to the letters that mark me as a "good student"- not sure of tonight's plans and steadily drowning in the melody of some Enrique Iglesias song (cheesy is definitely the word). But the song does take off the sting of reality so that I don't ever have to deal with the unnecessary if I don't wish to.